Child Support Elberton GA

Child Support: Effective Disaster Recovery

by Susan Bodnar, Ph.D.

In New York City yesterday, Rosa, age seven, skipped across the school playground. Wispy clouds stretched across the bright blue sky. She grabbed the hand of a friend and they began to jump in unison, laughing.

The unmistakable scent of smoke and fire loitered in the air from an accident almost six miles away. "Of course I am thinking about what happened," she said later. "Its just that - - -" Go on, I urged her. She continued "there are a lot of psychologists in our school right now. But what I really wish most special of all is that I could talk to and spend time with my parents."

Research has shown that relationships are the single most important factor in recovery from trauma. When life has been inexorably altered the pain is not metabolized in a conversation. People heal with people they know. Family strength is the single most important factor in recovery.

If you lost a family member in the World Trade Center or the Pentagon, there are no words. Instead you must cry your tears like rivers running through the currents of our nation. Your loss is unusually tragic. Your loved one is innocent of all crimes, free from ill health and pure of spirit. Your anger will rise in you when you least expect it - buying groceries, driving to work, listening to the neighbor's barking dog.

These will be the days of tears and nights of rage: these are the days when you absolutely must reach out to your community. And if you don't have one - create one. Go to your place of worship, or the leader of your faith. Call your friends. Talk to your children's schools.

If you are having difficulty, speak to a psychologist or other therapist who specifically says that he or she can help you connect to your own living world. Your life right now is your only salvation. It is all you have.

If you have children, and lost a spouse, you are the only person who matters in your child's life. They need you. Get back to a normal routine as soon as possible. Fill the silences with tears, hugs, and shared anger. Don't shirk from going through this together.

Grieve together and talk about it. Or sometimes, just don't. Take a boat ride. Don't wait for answers from God or anyone else. There are none. Time is your best friend. It will get better.

If you didn't directly lose someone in this tragedy, you might feel as though you aren't entitled to the pain you feel. Your children might prefer to act as if this never happened. Wrong. You are entitled to feel shock, panic, sadness, and loss. It really did happen. This is your community, your country and world. 5,000 losses are a lot of people. Your job as a parent is to take charge.

Absolutely insist that everyone in your family start living your ordinary life. At the same time you have to build in strategies to contain, hold, and love each other. A new reality has arrived. You have a precious responsibility to find ways to he...